What's better to have:  the instant spark of chemistry, the immediate thrill of finishing a stranger's sentence for them, and the back and forth cadence of quick quibs, jaunts and banter OR the benefits of the slow growth of understanding each other's identity, knowing their likes and dislikes and supporting them just right?

Picking one or the other is pretty extreme, but really, what would you rather have? Ultimately I think what everyone is looking for is a balance of something in between the fireworks and the feelings of old friendship. 

In my experience, there have been only two real occasions when I instantly liked someone.  The first occurred in the fourth grade (Alan was a 5th grader and super cute) and the second occurred in the ninth grade (David was a hottie and a 10th grader).  They became instantaneous prolonged crushes.

As I got older, these love-at-first-sights disappeared, leaving me to crush after guys who had always just been there - be it a classmate, friend or colleague. 

I've noticed that when you end up dating a friend or equivalent, you just kind of skip the dating part sometimes simply because a body of knowledge has already formed and feelings were exchanged.  I suppose the only thing to do is just to be together. 

Call me a hopeless romantic, but even if a strong click never existed, I'd like to think that the comfort could end up being just as valuable, just as sought after as the synergy exchanged between strangers. 

Is this my attempt at being mature?  Of learning how to settle???

Scary.

A measly four weeks and I'll be graduating from graduate school.  Just writing one thesis, writing a special needs case study, doing an exhibition presentation, a conference, looking/applying to jobs, attending my classes, and all that goes into teaching and assessing a bunch of 16 year old hormonal teenagers until the end of the school year is between me and my diploma.  Not included in this litany of to-dos is packing and moving out of my dorm by the day after graduation.  The sprint toward the finish line has begun.

Can someone just keep my procrastination in check and tell it to get the hell outta my way?

There is absolutely nothing enjoyable about working on my thesis equivalent.  I hate it.  I loathe it.  To me, it's a complete waste of my time.  There are so many other important things that I need to be doing.  Such as, finish grading my students' work, reading for my own classes, watching some tv, eating, drinking, merrying....see?  There's so many distractions and so little time.  What is a lazy girl to do?

But according to Mel Levine (aka pedophile, m.d.http://www.nytimes.com/2009/03/21/us/21levine.html?_r=1&emc=eta1), laziness is a mere myth.  People actually suffer from output failure because of various neurodevelopmental miswirings that prevent them from successfully accomplishing tasks of usually an academic nature.  Good ole Mel said that it's too easy and morally wrong to label someone as lazy.  Well, here I stand before you and declare that the source of my current state of output failure is found in my amazing ability to cling to my laziness if it means one less minute of being tortured and miserable.  I don't want to work on such tedious, mind-numbing work that does nothing but deplete my will to live.  I just don't.

Here I am procrastinating again for the umpteenth time instead of focusing on the task at hand.  

I know My Soul | written by Claude McKay

I plucked my soul out of its secret place,
And held it to the mirror of my eye,
To see it like a star against the sky
A twitching body quivering in space,
A spark of passion shining on my face.
And I explored it to determine why
This awful key to my infinity
Conspires to rob me of sweet joy and grace.
And if the sign may not be fully read,
If I can comprehend but not control,
I need not gloom my days with futile dread,
Because I see a part and not the whole.
Contemplating the strange, I'm comforted
By this narcotic thought:  I know my soul.

Dinner with his mom.
She is very resourceful.
Her scallops were good.